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Zero in on your Self Defeating Patterns -- Discover your own Outer Child. 

This inventory is an eye-opening non-linear tool – a kaleidoscopic list of 200 or more common traits, charactistics, truisms, encapsulated awareness, and little telegrams of insight designed to help you.

Some of the behaviors in sabotaging relationships and ourselves are nearly universal. Others remind us more of our friends, enemies, and ex lovers.

The inventory is growing (thanks to your submissions) and not all traits relate to each person, but let it inspire you to spot your own Outer Child’s maneuvers. You can send your unique patterns to me and add to my anecdotal research about Outer Child.  

  1. We all have an Outer Child -- our hidden self saboteur -- "the devil on my shoulder" 

  2. Outer Child is the selfish, obstinate, impulsive, self-centered part of all of us.

  3. Outer Child acts out your inner child’s feelings, especially its abandonment feelings.

  4. Outer Child encompasses all of the outward signs of your inner child’s vulnerability – the scars, the warts, the defenses that manifest outwardly.

  5. Outer Child actively ignores you, especially when you try to tell it what to do, like “Go to the gym.” Outer just goes right on eating potato chips and lounging in front of the television.

  6. Outer Child wears many disguises, especially in public. Since other people's outer children are usually well hidden, you may have thought you were the only one with an outer child.

  7. Outer Child is the hidden “Chuckie” of the personality. Even the nicest people we know can act like an eight year old with a full blown conduct disorder (perhaps not in public) when they feel rejected, dismissed, abandoned.

  8. Outer Child is sandwiched between the inner child and the adult.

  9. Outer Child steps right in and takes over when we least expect it. You have every intention of handling a particular situation in a mature, adult manner, but Outer handles things its own way and leaves you holding the bag. Like, you decide to calmly express a grievance to a friend, but Outer gets worked up and starts bringing up the past and creating a drama.

  10. Outer Child interferes between Big You and Little You. It blocks the perfectly decent relationship you could otherwise have with your self. In other words, it blocks self-love.   

Send me your Outer Child Issues          Fill out our Checklist