The Aftermath of Abandonment -- Outer Child Self Sabotage


© Susan Anderson 2010

Abandonment has everything to do with Outer Child patterns – how to overcome them.  

If you want to overcome your most deeply entrenched self-defeating patterns, you must heal your abandonment wounds.

No, you don’t need 500 hours of psychoanalysis.  You just need to learn how to use the program’s power tools – easy-to-perform exercises that you incorporate into your daily life.  They are like physical therapy for the brain.  As you practice them, you see change – and heal from the inside out.  

I developed Outer Child (along with fellow psychotherapist Peter Yelton ACSW) when I was writing my first book on abandonment, looking for ways to help people overcome the aftermath of heartbreak and loss – those pesky patterns of behavior that interfere in our relationships.  

Outer Child’s strong connection to abandonment is because most of Outer’s patterns were born during earlier times of loss, rejection, hurt, disappointment, self-doubt, disconnection – in short – abandonment.  Outer’s primary role is defending (over-defensively) against the insecurity and fear seeping out of your old wounds.  In fact, our most automatic, knee-jerk defense mechanisms, especially the maladaptive ones, are driven by abandonment fear.  

This subliminal but ever-present fear not only triggers Outer to act out in our love relationships, but the residual insecurity causes Outer to take everything to the extreme – sleeping, watching TV, drinking, spending money, cluttering, procrastinating.  For example, hoarders report that what motivates them to surround themselves with so much stuff is the subliminal fear that they’ll be left all alone with nothing and no one to care about them.

Learn more about abandoholism – the infamous Outer Child pattern of being attracted only to the available.

nbsp;