HELP FOR SELF SABOTAGE - Healing Unresolved Abandonment


Dear Recovering Outer Children and Abandonment Survivors:

To conquer self sabotage, there are many options.

You can get up close and personal by attending one of Susan's life-changing workshops. Susan is the author of 4 books on abandonment and its aftermath of self-sabatoge. Outer Child is a manifestation of unresolved abandonment. Workshops allow you to work directly with psychotherapist Susan Anderson in a safe, supportive, sharing, inisprirational setting. (See Susan's Workshop Schedule) You practice Outer Child / Abandonment Recovery techniques. You can also use these self help tools to run your own support groups.

For professionals, workshops provide experiential training, with CEU's offered.

You can also follow the exercises in Taming Your Outer Child: A Revolutionary Program to Overcome Patterns of Self Sabotage - a book whose insight, self help exercises and power tools transforms your life. These exercises work like physical therapy of the brain to incrementally transform your life.

Or join (or start) an Abandonment / Outer Child support group and let positive peer pressure propel you forward. You can also use the "member center" at our sister site – Our sister site also gives you instructions for setting up support groups, 50 topic questions, WORKBOOK download, and more...

Another option is to contact the author for individual therapy or consultations (on a limited basis).

So go for it! Ovrcome self sabotage and heal the underlying wound of abandonment:

Find a Support Group Near You

SELF HELP GROUPS FOR OVERCOMING SELF SABOTAGE AND ABANDONMENT: Support for Taming Outer Child and Healing Your Abandonment Issues

Dear Recovering Outer Children and Abandonment Survivors,

Of course, you belong together -- Abandonment leads to patterns of self sabotage and vice versa. (See Susan's Workshop Schedule

By getting involved in Outer Child / Abandonment support groups (and setting up abandoholics anonymous groups) you are helping each other heal your collective wounds which give rise to self defeat, love addiction, low self esteem, chasing the emotionally unavailable, patterns of abandonment, heartache, problems in relationships, poor choices, and more.

Outer Child groups gain their depth and dynamic from zeroing in on the issue of abandonment – the source of most self-defeating patterns.

Creating Outer Child / Abandonment groups is as easy as following a recipe. Groups can be facilitated on a peer-to-peer basis. An easy-to-follow self-help format and 50 topic questions are available – enough to keep your groups running for a year or more.

You can also get Training in Outer Child and Abandonment Recovery techniques from the author. Attend one of Susan Anderson’s workshops.

Go to our sister site,

        • find a group in your area

         • post your interest in joining or starting a group so others can find you

         • download the self-help format and 50 topic questions for setting up groups

         • download WORKBOOK for step-by-step exercises for Outer Child - Abandonment Recovery, Akeru, 12 steps of emotional and spiritual healing, S.W.I.R.L., more.

For Mental Health Professionals

Additional services for therapists include:

         • post your professional services so prospective clients can find you.

         • download 25 Professional Group Recipes. You’ll find lots of additional clinical information.About postings:  All visitors to these sites can view your postings; whereas only members can post.

Outer Child / Abandonment Therapy


Susan Anderson psychotherapist provides therapy specific to abandonment and outer child issues on a limited basis. Her private practice is located in Huntington Long Island and Manhattan. (See Susan's Workshop Schedule)

Those unable to travel to New York can request a phone session (or, for people overseas, email sessions may be helpful).

If you are requesting a private session with Susan, write to her.

Before requesting a phone or email session, please read the disclaimer below so you can weigh its potential benefits against the costs and limitations. Susan will respond to you as soon as time becomes available.

Phone (or email) sessions can be an adjunct to psychotherapy and/or group support and can augment your overall program, but cannot replace direct human contact- the cornerstone of healing abandonment and overcoming your maladaptive behaviors. Healing comes through deepening your connection to others and making new significant connections that are emotionally nourishing. I encourage you to become actively engaged in your own personal psychotherapy, self help groups, and other supportive programs where there is face to face contact. Before requesting phone session, please weigh the potential benefit against the limitations and costs.

Phone sessions cannot substitute as therapy for individuals who require professional counsel to ensure their well being and stability.

Professional Training


Susan Anderson psychotherapist and author, trains professionals in Outer Child / Abandonment Recovery techniques. The training is experiential: You learn by performing exercises and sharing feedback within a supportive group setting. (See Susan's Workshop Schedule

Susan creates a safe, open, working, life-changing process within the group. Through training you:

Target Outer Child patterns of self sabotage. Outer Child is an overarching concept that encompasses defense mechanisms, character traits, knee-jerk reactions, habits and compulsions – all of your maladaptive behaviors.

      • Identify emotional triggers.

      • Connect dots between automatic defenses and primal abandonment fear.

      • Learn exercises that redirect attachment energy toward learning healthy new “automatic” behaviors.

      • Practice using new power tools to break through obstacles and propel you forward.

Abandonment component:

Through advanced training you learn to:

      • Discern acute abandonment crisis from chronic patterns such as mood or anxiety disorders, as well as long standing outer child patterns of self-sabotage.

      • Distinguish normal (albeit intense) abandonment grief from the onset of major depression

      • Identify acute symptoms of the emotional crisis of abandonment, including:

           Re-emerging symbiotic feelings

           Increased risk-taking

           Neglected self-care




          Need to self-medicate

          Borderline regression and other forms of acting out

     • Identify chronic (versus acute) symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder of Abandonment. In "Journey from Abandonment to Healing (pages 41-42)" I outline a complete list of abandonment’s posttraumatic symptoms, which comprise what I have come to call the “outer child syndrome.”

           Outer Child Post Traumatic Syndrome:

           Difficulty forming primary relationships


           Poor self-image



           Chronic insecurity.

      • Help clients work through tendency to get caught up in outer child patterns such as abandoholism or abandophobism, or stuck in one the five stages of abandonment grief.

     • Deal with the intense transference that our clients exhibit during their abandonment crises including (when their Outer Children are most triggered):

           Over-dependence upon therapist


           Missing appointments

           Unrealistic expectations toward therapeutic process, etc.

     • Discern client’s tendency to temporarily revert to default defenses, i.e. becoming over-controlling toward the abandoner, punitive, self-abdicating, and outer child maneuvers.

     * Help the still fragile, narcissistically injured abandonment survivor move beyond protest, blame, self-denial, and acting out, and on toward emotional self-reliance, behavioral change, and increased capacity for love.

     * Learn effective new tools experientially within the safety and open sharing of a supportive group process.